The Red checks in

Hello world from Acorn Oakmist "The Red",
terror of the neighborhood.
Yes, I am eleven years old, but what of that? I'm orange. I'm here. Deal with it.

I have two humans well in hand. Their names are "My Human" and "The Other One." I will sit
on My Human's lap and let her fuss over me. I let both of them pet me, feed me, and as part of the Human Full Employment Act, I allow both of them to let me in the front door (which I whap convincingly with head or paw) just after I have decided to exit the cat door at the back.

After all, there is no such thing as a Cat Door --(harrumph) they're ALL cat doors. Just that some of them have human attendants and others do not!

I have heard the term "bionic kitty" a few times when they talk about me. This apparently started when I had some kind of event -- my lips are sealed, because I was involved in some super secret mission possibly involving a roof and some squirrels or another cat -- and had some problems resulting in what my humans called a "Slipped Disc". They kidnapped me, stuck me in a nasty place with a lot of other animals where they say they fixed it, and then sent me home in a cage,... a CAGE! where I was supposed to stay for several weeks! The very idea! I raised enough ruckus that they saw the error of their ways and ultimately, let me out into the back yard. The silly humans thought they could keep me in the back yard, safe, simply because of their mistaken assumption that I couldn't jump over a six foot fence. Well, now. It was sort of true, for a while, but there was this woodpile, see...(kitty wheels turning) So I wound up exploring the next door neighbor's yard, then strolling across the street to inspect another neighbor's driveway, and the field, and the bushes in front of my humans' house, and so on... You would have thought from how my humans acted that I was going to fall apart in little furry pieces. NOt so. Proved them wrong, whipped the neighborhood back into shape and here I am.
That was three years ago and now, I just move...deliberately. That's the word I was looking for.

And the roof is no big deal, either.

My little brother Elfstone, who really does get too big for his britches some days, likes to waste time hunting. I just let my humans cater to me instead. It's much more fun. But I have to keep them in line, you know. Not only am I orange -- I was born around St. Pat's Day and when I purr I have an irresistible brogue. The Other One, purrticularly, likes the sweet talk, especially at four or five in the morning when I wake her up to feed me. You should hear her talk back. Oh my. But then, one does not reveal a Lady's Secret, now does one?